Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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