Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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