I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I am midnight drunk by noon
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
