if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
