It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
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