Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
