How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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