In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
