I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
