Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
