I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
