found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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