I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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