I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
