it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
