two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
