this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Pooping to opera.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
