You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
