tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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