i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
