i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dicks are not precious.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
