Just cropdusted the office
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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