The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
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I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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