We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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