its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
