Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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