The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
