I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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