her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
