She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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