I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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