i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
