I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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