take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
