I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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