Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
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just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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