Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
