I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Sacagawea was the original milf.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
