He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
