just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
