They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
