Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
