Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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