see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
