I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
