Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
