Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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