First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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