I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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