I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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