I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
