My liver just broke up with me...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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