A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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