i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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