Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
