I wish i was in the wii world.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
