just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
