pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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