I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
