We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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