i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
