Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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