I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
