If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
