remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
