You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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