how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
