Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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