I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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