here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
